Hello my shapely spuds.Notice anything weird lately,hmm?I’ll let you think it over eh.We nap in the dirt but, unlike corpses us Spuds are speaking in the streets,holding signs.You get it Spuds?Well if you didn’t get the answer ill tell you what it is.The Occupy Movement/Anonymous/.

We are one with our human friends and we Spuds will personally roll up on are ends in solidarity with these people;And all that shit! I know for a fact that there are some good people in these movements….but,of course like in any modern controversy it needs television to circulate the stories but that has yet to come too fruition…It’s is funny Spuds,we normal Spuds find politics boring,and it is.Politics was always meant to be boring,but,FINANCE that was the worst.Some Spuds even called it Math and hated it profusely. of course schemers always have their marks when people gather.

What I’ve seen from this log jamming of people is the chance to spread awareness to what the Fed,I.M.F.,Worldbank,Chase,Bank of America,RBC,are up too.Alright here,s the 411. In many circles They’re called the syndicate.I would call them users,freedom is the only column standing in the way of their complete and black hole of avarice.If I may be so bold they are all that stands between us and happiness…

My Spuds it is dangerous to be so open in the expression of ones political beliefs.People disappear,die mysteriously.You can even be detained for being an cyber/domestic terrorist…That is some serious shit….Spuds,Water-boarding is fun a Dick Cheney.. I bet right now these government agencies know more about you than your family.Internet mercenaries who don’t give a shite about what happens to your info.They already have me bagged and tagged as an enemy in my own country.

Freedom of speech is in our constitution…That’s it and that’s final. Please talk to your friends..be aware of the issues.If you don’t know how I recommend for a little inspiration reading both the American and Canadian Constitutions…Love my Spuds….Goodnight

Yes…Spuds I welcome you.You ,dirty,cuterthanabutton,round,balls of starch you.Been awhile,hasn’t it?..I would like to reach out and hug you all,alas, I have no arms;Therefore hugging is simply impossible!Wait!Wait!What?What is it Steve?Huh!Steve in the control room says I’m not mushy enough.” I think it was good enough Steve!”"What do you want from me Steve?”Enough Fast-forward…………………………….

K, I have a story to tell.”Or,perhaps my imaginary friend Steve in the control room,up high on his golden pedestal of douchebags would like to tell the fucking story!”NO!”NO!”Steve????????….Good!…Now if you don’t mind,I’ll tell the story….

Like most mornings lately I’ve woke up with painful kidneys..I’ve had this for awhile.I rise from my sheets,my massive muscular chest heaving.,My six pack begging for another crunch…”Wait..!Steve, this isn’t the script!.”"What do you mean we’re”Trying to reach out to our women readers”"I’ll reach out to whoever will listen!”This blog transcends all sexes,colors,creeds,or,political affiliations!Although I do love the ladies,meow//gurrrbaby//What?”"NOw Steve we’ve heard enough of you for now…zip it!……….

Okay! Here is the story.

I found myself walking the banks of my favorite river today,where I spotted an old man sitting on one of two benches along the whole length of the river….And their he sat,feeding gulls and the odd duck who waddled by.From a distance,I saw a mustard like hue on the feed he fed the birds,it resembled corn.He looked happy…It was like the seen out of a movie,where the Godfather of a crime family feeds the pigeons in the park…But, I find common peoples reality is more diverse than any movie character.

Before we go on.Fast-forward !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My presence didn’t even cause the old man to look my way.He didn’t even know I had sat down..The old feller didn’t even notice I was sitting beside him on the bench…I think in part it was due to the fact that he wore a large,blue,winter jacket with a huge hood with fake fur around it.I said to him”good-day sir”he was momentarily stunned having not known I was sitting beside him…his response was”huh,oh yeah,good morning young man.”I quickly gave him a weak salute showing him I got his message..I said”I see you have a few friends here.”He looked my way and smiled…”again I said..”So what you feeding them?”his reply was slow and direct..”Oh,just some corn(I have super vision!,High fives!),tiny sunflower seeds.”he added”The seeds and corn were for the chickadees,grackles,and the other small birds.”He continued”The dog food is for the gulls…otherwise they steal all the seeds from the little ones.”I noticed that he through the dog food behind him and the seeds in-front of him…”Quite the little system you have going their”I said in a louder voice,just then I thought “why am I shouting at this poor man?”

He just looked at me and smiled again…then a few more words fell from his lips…”Simple really.”I was just trying to be polite..Not trying to talk down to the man.All I was trying to do was have a little conversation….We both sat silent for about 10 minutes,while I sat watching a Canadian Goose traverse the bank on the other side of the river.. Then,”Old Man River” spoke.”Is it just me or has this river sank three feet lower than the last time I was here…”I thought for a second or two. Three feet!Wow It has maybe dropped a foot in the last ten years.I bobbed my head up and down saying”Yes,you’re right!My Pops and I noticed it dropped about a foot since 2001.” I replied.He looked over at me and smiled..I added”My Pops said the river was about three feet higher when he was a little boy.”Old Man River replied”I haven’t been here since the sixties”I thought,holy-shit-muffins,I wonder what made him come back here after all these years?Were did he live now?But,before i had a chance to ask him any of these probing questions he just said”I met my wife here” Then he whipped some dog food at the gulls..”Wow!” I thought and said out-loud at the same time.SUCK-IT Hollywood….The two of us sat and talked about a plethora of things.He talked about how much of a fool he was for his wife..and how he was afraid to approach her..

The whole time I was sitting beside him I was trying to get a good look at his face..from what I saw he looked like he was in his late 70s.I never asked his age…I wasn’t sure what to think after are talk.I thought why would he need to lie about meeting his wife by the riverside.I left thinking she must have parted from this earth…I looked back at the old man as I was leaving,he was still sitting there whipping seeds and dog food everywhere.In a way I felt bad for him and yet he looked so contented..

“Steve listen pal,i’m not gonna write a happy ending you douche-bag..”"If you don’t like the story come down here and write it your self!”"You’re lucky I love ya Steve”"Okay now that’s a rap people..

PeculiarPotatos need love too!Perhaps I’ll find love on the banks of a river……”There,I said you’re cheesy  last line Steve,lets grab some taco’s…”Steve’s a Romantic potato,it gets to me sometimes..But his heart is in the right place.”

Well my Spuds I hope you’ll drop by next time where we’ll have our special guests Ben Affleck and that girl who was once on the bachelor,”What!”…Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve!!!!!!

Sincerely,P.P.

P.S. I hope all you Spuds find someone who loves you for who you are….P.P…..out..

Filed under: blogging, blogs, comedy, drugs, humor, life, News, PeculiarPotaopresents, Pot, Psychiatrists, Psycologists, relationships, religion, Science, Uncategorized, women, world news, writing Tagged: alcohol, blogging, blogs, Canadian, Canadian news, college radio, colleges, comedy, Health, history, human nature, Humor, life, mylife, philosophy, Potato, relationships, truth, U.S., U.S.A., university, woman, world, writing ]]> http://peculiarpotato.wordpress.com/2012/04/01/peculiarpotatopresents-old-man-river-finds-lovemy-imaginary-friend-steve-stops-by/feed/ 0 peculiarpotato OMFB LBR http://peculiarpotato.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/peculiarpotatopresents-ignorance-and-its-affect-on-petsevil-doerstake-notewe-see-you/ http://peculiarpotato.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/peculiarpotatopresents-ignorance-and-its-affect-on-petsevil-doerstake-notewe-see-you/#comments Mon, 27 Feb 2012 01:03:22 +0000 peculiarpotato http://peculiarpotato.wordpress.com/?p=336 ]]> Hello again Spuds! I know,I know,it has been a while since my last confession.My lack of blogging had come to the attention of a reader of mine,and he says “I should start blogging again.”"He also added that” I should not let recent unforeseen events control my life.” I felt like I should punch him in the cranium.I don’t know if he knew the hole that my father left in my heart when he passed. I left my friends place in anger,because I knew he was right….and no,I did not crack his skull open.

Ok, I’m getting to what I really wanted to talk about.Violence perpetuated by the ignorance of a few men(well mostly men.)I have a cat,-he kicks major ass and he makes me happy.It’s kind of like having a mini tiger in my midst…The problem is in-fact that a lot of the men I’ve known in my life have a unnatural hatred of cats.I’ve asked these people what is it that makes you so hostile towards cats.?They usually site some case in the past were their father hated them and even abused them…But they love their dogs.”This isn’t much of a case” I would answer! Then I thought about how some children are raised..Some kids are raised to believe whatever their father believes(I’m talking of the imprint of the adult onto the child at a young age.)

I myself love dogs and cats…Now before I go on and the logic of PETA steps in,yes,I realize the double standard of eating the flesh of cows and chickens without a care in the world….I realize the irony…If I had it my way I’d have tons of pets…but I don’t have a farm to keep them all safe….Sorry P.E.T.A!

Getting back to the issue,cat haters are a weird breed.They band together at social events…like say Christmas/thanksgiving dinners when a cat strolls into the room they call out this innocent cat who is  in close proximity to them and proceed to jab and poke at it until they get the desired reaction they are so used to….A hiss.Some even corner a cat and throw him in the air and boot him…This is utter madness! The cat is a pet,a fellow of man.The argument I most hear is a cat will leave you when something awful happens and a dog will stay loyal and will stick by your side until the end…I hope that is true…A cat they say will flee…This may be the case for certain cats and dogs…People act like their animals have no fears..and are just furry loyal pieces of meat.Let me tell you something.I was home one night alone and my back went out I could not even walk.I had severe inflammation of a couple of my lower discs and so my sciatic nerve…My cat sat with me as I lay on the floor and nudged me with his nose.He walked around me surveying the situation.Then he let out a cry to what I believe to be someone,although I hate to impress human logic or emotion onto a cat…When my parents arrived home it was the cats meows that my family heard not me”shit I didn’t even hear them walk into the house!”But,Moe new even before they stepped through the door….

I guess what i’m trying to say is stop imprinting your emotions onto cats like they don’t like you or they are snobby,you’re a fool and ignorant if you buy into this hatred fueled by idiots.

I’d like to very much thank my readers for their patience.The last couple of months has been a trying time.I only hope the best for my Spuds///Much Love P.P……..

P.S. I will post a pic of my cats doppelganger since I have no idea how to put a photo on the net….

P.S.S. Please be good to one another people and Spuds! Their are evil forces beyond any of our control trying to silence anyone who speaks out about these shadowy figures.You may think I’m crazy,or perhaps a sensationalist.No I’m just trying to get people to learn some history.The mainstream media is a fraud…Your politicians are puppets….Study the money changers and how long they’ve tried to control us by monetary means……….Ok enough I’m out…

Hello Spuds! I hope you all survived the Christmas holiday season.”Holiday Edition: The season came on fast like the sharp pain of stepping on broken Christmas tree bulb glass. This year the money was tight early so, i had to wait until three days before Xmas to shop.Now,for you people who like to shop and find buying junk relaxing,fine.We last minute shoppers know we aren’t the only ones shopping,but please back off!;You shopping fiends know who we are,you can spot us from a mile away.We are the Zombie looking motherfuckers with glazed over eyes in search of something,anything to appease the Mall Gods! When you see us please, step aside and  let us get our two-too-three gifts bought and then to quietly fade into the crowd.

Mission:In and Out. Operative:Santa’s little helper………..//My crew landed on the icy black parking lot,before we even knew it, half our platoon had disappeared. We fought our way through the old ladies and grandmothers (as they eyed their cabbies in-case they stole anything from their precious bags.)After fighting the cold and the hordes of Salvation Army beggars( I already gave you five bucks) and drunks,jolly freaks,thieves and running car exhaust …. I reached  the door and stepped in(Keep smiling)a man said as I passed through the revolving door….Yessss I thought,good advice….Then my mind began to wander and I wondered how a zombie would look with a smile……The faces i remembered entering the mall with had all but gone.I was all that was left of my unit…..The throngs of cheerful fucks were everywhere,their mouths dripping with insincerity as they talked to old friends they haven’t seen in three years.As they talk they size each other up….Judging…Wondering which family has a better life?Each hoping it is theirs!….The hope they are the most outwardly presentable family!.Then as the couples,friends,school buddies,family,part ways the gossip begins…………I stayed in the food court….nobody in there right minds would have time for the food court,there’s just no time.I was right only about fifteen people sat eating in a cafeteria that at least sits 150………..

Hidden among the fake ferns and palm trees I chewed a burger…..Meat,is what I craved….A Zombie warrior is always hungry,always planning his next move. I moved on one of the big department store chains……I did a little recon,it wasn’t hard to see that only the hardcore shopper would wait in those giant lines with that amount of junk,So I swiftly moved away from the heavily guarded store….I walked aimlessly for another hour finally finding my brothers gift in a small little goods store…..The battle raged on!…..I checked my supplies…jack-knife..Check!..Bottled Water..Check!….Money..Check!..Energy barz….Check….List….Check!…Everything is accounted for.My mother gave me a pass this year…sweet lady…all she wanted was a gift card to a well known ladies clothing store here in town….I knew that this”Little Pass”gift thing wasn’t going to fly.I’m not falling for the “Oh son, it doesn’t matter what you get me I’ll be happy!” Ok,I love my mom but don’t fall for it guys…..go the extra mile….you lazy asses….

I found my Mom a nice chainsaw..hahaha just kiddin I was thinking hows easy shopping would be if       I was wildly swinging a chainsaw  through the air as even the hard-cores recoiled in horror as their lives passed through their eyes…. My mission was almost complete…I needed one last thing for Mom so i bought her a heating pad….an other little gifts……..While Standing in line to buy the heating pad a man behind me smiled at me.It was the man I had met in the revolving door…I thought he left….Hello I said…His smile widened even more and said “well hello big fella how you getting along?I see you’re keeping up the smiling bit!”I could see the man was a veteran of many Christmases past and he seen the best and the worst  the holidays can throw ones way.”He said you’ll be ready for some whiskey soon”I thought what the fuck who is this man?I was just thinking of ordering some Crown Royal as soon as I reached home.I just smiled back and said”Sure am”….

I met many people I hadn’t seen in years and since I don’t live up to their standards it is easy to rid myself of these superficial,Societal thugs,with two words “Gotta Go”or”I’m Late.”I have no time or patience for acquaintances………Mission Accomplished!

I’ve come to realize we are all douche bags.When the family chats at the dinner table all i hear is work this work that…parents comparing their kids like they were inbred show dogs with college degrees……I’ve found myself caught up in these conversations just to seem somewhat engaged.We have become rabid consumers of our children’s and Our own Ends,were the destination is all that matters! It’s this constant state the parent tries to imprint  into other peoples minds that their beautiful little boy or girl is perfectly on course too becoming perfect!Much better than your child!It all makes me sick!  I call………..Fucking Douche Bags!…. I like the part of the holidfays that gets left out……like laughing with my brother over something stupid…or helping mom with the turkey while we simultaneously poke fun at one another……Watching comedies constantly……..And hanging with close friends for a good drunk—-I love Christmas lights!!!! Yeah that is what I like…..I guess the best thing to do is to keep smiling…………P.P………Stay happy Spuds…..Have fun!

“Hello my Spuds,I hope you’re all well this cold winters eve.”I would like to begin by saying,please,no matter who you are and what your social standing is with your immediate family is,call them,and tell them you love them!Don’t be afraid of the what ifs.Just do it! Love is important! Don’t let grudges and fear fester in your heart;Tell them how much they mean to you!

I’m now find myself in a codeine fog,and I like it here.My body is warm and I can’t feel the pain that has been maliciously attacking me on a day to day basis.Plus,the euphoria is nice too….Earlier,I was scoffing down a ham and swiss sandwich when I had a “Eureka” moment….Yes,it could have been the drugs,or,it could have just been me,……….Fastforward dammit! I found myself playing the electric guitar when all of a sudden I turned the volume down on my T.V.(usually I do this before I play.)Anyway,as I lowered the volume my guitar made a sound that I will try to replay now.It went.doo,doo,doo,doo,Volume down!Volume up,Dee,dee,dee,dee.Some how the pick-ups on my guitar started making sweet love to my remote.Maybe it was a transmission from outerspace that only a guitar and remote could catch while being played simultaneously,or it was the mating call of two electronic beings?Could it be I’ve stumbled onto the primitive language of  the inanimate? Could it be they aren’t inanimate at all.I studied their habits for some time.I could find no clear inflections…Maybe we were never meant to know. Maybe next time we’ll be more careful when we call something “void of life”(Inanimate.)

Perhaps it can be easily explained away by sound waves or some kind of waves,period!Or maybe the codeine is to strong?I could go for another ham and swiss. Jesus,this is lunacy! On the flip side all is quiet on the farm.word is,that our native brothers to the north are not being treated so good by are government.Their is to much racism in our politics and in our streets.We colonized a people we called savages many years ago,Imagine we the so-called civilized world calling a people as brave and honorable,noble, as the native peoples of our land,savages just because we couldn’t understand their ways.We drop bombs on people from thousands of miles away because some old man fills us with fear.We are the savages!We could learn a thing or two from our red brothers and sisters.

I created a song with my remote and guitar,and they made sweet love.Why can’t we as living supposedly,loving people do the same?….Fastforward….Last night I ate a cheesy I found under the skirt of my bed,In hindsight it might not have been a good idea;But,I did it anyway.

It is at this time of year I long for love and try to give out as much love as I can. It would be nice to have a girl by my side to share the holidays with,then get down and dirty with once the lights go out! So you gentlemen who are lucky enough to have a lady hanging off your arm,and lucky enough for her to love your slobbering,dirty,ape,ass.Treat your women like the queens they are,this holiday season………..Damn emotions…..Fastforward…………ahhh SweetPotato….It would be nice to hear from you…….

I’ve been studying a lot of history lately and it is driving me bonkers.The history they taught us in school was,and still is,a fraud!!!….We all know the winners write history….I’ve also come to the realization that history is a lie.What we have been taught and what we really think is truth,if enough research is done you will find that your rosy colored axioms are lies. Please..Wake-Up and see the world for what it really is….Like George Carlins first rule”Never believe a fucking single word the government tells you!”And second,Another Carlin quip”I’m not a good american! I’ve got this funny thing I do called,Thinking”"I don’t roll over when the government tells me to!” I miss that man…..As you know by now,there is nor Rhyme nor Order to my convoluted ramblings. I write it as I remember it,wait,is that how I do it.

I suggest one more thing this long winter.Learn some new hobbies,we could be in for a long one!Fastforward………..it has been a long two months since my Pops passed and I know that I have been surly feeling the saddness,but,you see I have this cat called Elmo…I know..I Know…I wasn’t home when they named him.I just call him Moe.Anyways,I am starting to notice little quirks and oddities he is displaying on a daily basis.He is fourteen and he was my Dads special friend.lets just say they had an understanding.I know and have read that animals are very intuitive,strangely enough I think the little fellow is depressed.Now I have been told that cats and dogs have a short memory. I kinda of hope this theory is true for my cats sake,but I don’t think it is true.I find him looking in certain rooms waiting for my dad to rev him up and get him all excited.It’s funny but they used to talk all morning long.It actually drove me crazy with lack of sleep.I truly think my cat is grieving.If cats are capable of such emotions.I think he knows something is not right,and that a part of him is gone.He hurts…..I could be wrong…wouldn’t be the first time….I’ve got Moes back in the mean time. i talk to him all day and get his favorite string out and play with him.I love the little ninja…….”be good to one another Spuds,and laugh a-lot,as much as you can!

As I lay on my backside and convalesce I wonder what Christmas will bring?

P.P……….Is Out!!!!!!!!

“Hello my Spuds,and welcome to another installment of whatever the fuck!”The nights are longer and the days,shorter,that is why I find myself battling cabin fever.Cabin fever already?Yes!”Cabin Fever!” I feel a loss of energy.To sum it up quick I use these words”The urge to do nothing!” I’m not one to be beaten so easily by this madness,no! I was tinkering with my guitar unable to find any sound that pleased me,when I thought too myself”what’s on the radio?”Yes,what could be ravaging the airwaves,bucking the old medium? I ran to my old ghetto blaster and switched on and tuned in!AM was an instant success in my book;A man was speaking of alien reptiles loosed on the world,taking human shape,to hide their obviously hideous faces.I thought to myself V the TV series was either dead or soon to be dead,but,this man believed it to be real.

I have come across many conspiracy theories in my time of internet surfing.First of all Conspiracy theories should be called just theories.Because conspiracy loans itself as a negative connotation to the word theory. Would a scientist who thought the earth was round be called a conspiracy theorist if he hadn’t the practical means to prove it? like,say,space travel.Mathematics can only prove so much until one has to see it with his own eyes to believe. And,believe me I hate those people “seeing is believing!” they say.Well,I can’t see radio waves but i know they are their because of the invention of the radio.

Never the less, I take no stalk in alien reptiles infiltrating high offices of power to run the world,although a lot of politicians act cold blooded……What the fuck?Blathering imbecile I am…! So,yes the radio was and still is entertainingly,good,fun! I listened to sports,some idiot talk about how the economy is gonna get better,a cooking show,and my personal favorite music.Fucking A!Eh!

Lately my Word-press home page has been inundated with slobbering,glad handing,fecal eaters,trying to court me.They try and gain my trust by leaving me messages like,”Love your blog! Wanna maximize your input and blah,blah,blah? These Spam sandwiches hope to gain my favor by showering me with praise. For all I know, it is piss. I would like to talk to anyone other than those panderers.But,alas,I don’t get many comments to answer.Poor old me.GOOOOOOO FUck YOuRself PeCulIarPOtAtO!!!! you starchy slut! Ahh that feels better.Gotta beat back the ego when it rears its’ ugly head.

As some of you know,I like to write fiction and other such nonsense,anyway,I finally found a way through a story that has bothered me for over two years and I hope to finish it very soon.As for you my Spuds I hope you are all well and staying warm this winter.”Radio….live transmission” Lyrics by Joy Division.If you get bored try the radio.There is something calming about just listening to the subject matter and using your imagination for the scenery…….PeculiarPotato…….P.P……

P.S. Once again drop me a line.It would be nice to hear from any of you.Say what you like bad or good,your welcome here all the same.

Today I came into a little cash and since I still deal with the postal service I had to cash my check at the bank.I was in and out in minutes.I could feel the walls closing in as I stood in line.I thought any minute now some suit will come and sodomize me while simultaneously ripping my pockets open to strip me of any money or dignity.But no!I escaped the fuckers.A suit asked me about credit cards,I eyed him and said I have to pick up my hat at the dry-cleaners(food for thought fucker) and out the door I went.Pig! I gave him something to think about as I quickly exited the back-door(no pun intended.)

As I do every month i went to have a drink of tea at my favorite coffee shop.Feeling happy I ordered  some sort of raspberry tea and an apple muffin. I sat and listened to Jimmy Hendrix as the tea gave me a much needed boost of vitality.Then,all together and all at once,I spilled said tea on my lap.This created a problem.My crotch was soaked and so was the red leather chair. I looked around the cafe for any onlookers,none was to be found.So I sat for about an hour until my pants started to dry.Using my coat as cover,I felt protected and not like a man who had just pissed his pants. I acted normal,as normal as a talking potato can act.After surveying the situation I scanned the room for the quickest way to the exit,then it was just the simple matter of hailing a cab.The cab took forever,or so it seemed,as I ran into an old friend.We talked about life in general,you know,small talk…..which I hate.The cab finally came. Waving good by to my old buddy I quickly jumped into the cab,leaving people none the wiser about my soaked crotch. To the liquor store Deniro,and step on it! I ended up with a bottle of scotch and two bottles of shiraz. I will now embark on a journey of drunken debauchery,no telling were this little potato will end up……I don’t drink Vodka,it is made with potatoes.It is a holocaust on a grand scale…………..P.P.  love you spuds…..Sincerely, PeculiarPotato.